Performing Difference

I decided to write a script to reflect how my views on difference has changed through the readings and our discussions in class. This course has helped me view difference in a more positive way. It has started to give me a more positive outlook on what my own differences are and how they are and should not be perceived as negatively as I used to (still do to some extent).

This assignment has made me rethink my identity map. I feel like there was one  thing I purposefully did not include: my eternal battle with depression. I am very very ashamed of it as it feel like a personal failure to not be able to control it and feel it coming back every time i think it is gone forever. I am different from others in that I suffer from severe depression, but this is not something shameful, or at least it should not be. Yes, it makes me stand out sometimes when it is obvious I am not involved or devoted to things I usually do right and even enjoy doing, but it also makes me aware of other people’s struggles.  Maybe, when I can learn to live with depression and accept the fact that it will always be there, I can use it to help others.

Many times I tried to explain what this feels like, but I am not too good with words. I found this video to be good. If you have time, watch it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

Subjectivity

‘In the most popular cinematic constructions of disability, many forms of impairments are equated with disability, “normal” is equated with not being disabled, and social and medical institutions are granted normalizing standards of desired emotional, physical, and mental states, of being “abled.”‘

The reading for today emphasized the interaction between interpretation and reality. ‘Everything we do is imagined’. This made me think about concepts of difference and what it is to live difference in an everyday context. Unlike Hollywoodeske movies, there are many others that incorporate difference in a much more human perspective by providing an artistic narrative. These films, such as Iris, humanize difference by emphasizing the thought process, the constant change and internalization of frustrations that people who are deemed disable face.

Is disability a subjective construction created by those who fit the normal mold? The characters in the movies described have relatable stories that indicate that just like them, we struggle one way or another to fit impossible standards of normalcy. In several of the movies, the person another constant scrutiny and judgement is freed  by “the power of transgression always originates at the moment when the derided object embraces its deviance as value” (35-36).This challenge of societal norms is what we should strive for in order to decentralize normalcy and views of disability. Embracing diversity and difference as constructive rather than deteriorating concepts will lead to an inclusive environment that promotes personal growth for everyone.

Technology

This particular topic made me think a lot. As someone who fits society’s able bodied criteria, I have never put much thought into how exclusive technology can be.

This notion became particularly clear to me as I had to turn down a participant for my research study based on the fact that he was blind. I was very ashamed that we as University and Laboratory aimed at studying language and variation in perception of language and accents, do not have the technology necessary to include a wide variety of people in our studies. Otherwise why are we using this ‘innovative’ technology to study language if our findings only apply to ‘able bodied’ people. We are making a huge mistake; we are wrongly assuming that people with diversity in terms of body are inherently different in the processing of language and thoughts.  By doing this, we are cementing the notion of disability and excluding diversity. Science is supposed to become a bridge and connector between differences, it is supposed to study and explain what we all have in common regardless of our differences.

As technology use grows exponentially, we must strive to develop technology that is used so that everyone has access to the same opportunities in terms of resources, education and opportunities

(RE)Present

What is beauty? We are constantly surrounded by information that provides an unattainable standard of what it means to be beautiful. Are skinny legs, gaps in between them, large breasts coupled with tiny waits all we should strive for? This idea is baffling and insulting to women all over the world. We are different everywhere and that difference should not labeled as ‘exotic’ beauty, it should just be Beauty in its most pure form. Beauty that stems from difference and how much variability there is in our bodies not only across cultures, but even within our own families.

I strongly believe that the notion of disability as a lesser form of the body is inculcated through media, society and even women. When is it that we started judging people and their abilities based on their body type? I find it particularly insulting when someone goes make up free and they are faced with the question: Are you OK? You seemed tired.

I never really liked the Dove Real Beauty campaign. Although it did show women without insane amounts of make up and with healthy weights, they were not truly representative of the great body variation. It seemed to me that this campaign was just aimed at increasing sales in a highly competitive ‘skin care’ and anti-aging market. As the article, by Dr. Heiss (2011) points out, they excluded women and men with what society would label “disabilities”. All women in the commercials had the normative body, perhaps not in Hollywood or advertisements, but they fit the norm of what he think of as ‘standard’ bodies. This campaign succeeded (maybe unknowingly so) in furthering the exclusion of body diversity and the instilled the notion of the normative body even deeper in women.

When talking to my husband about this, we pointed out that men also feel that they are subject to certain unattainable standards (great bodies coupled with a high paying job). I had never even thought about the possibility that he too, felt any pressure to become something he will never be.  I am left to wonder when it is that these impositions on the body and mind started becoming so prominent? and also what changes these impositions throughout time?

If tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think how many industries would go out of business. – Dr. Gail Dines

Embodied

This weeks readings sparked a strong interest in how it is Special Education policies come into place. Are a diverse range of people included in this process? When we talk about special education, the term is often associated (wrongly so) with students who are just not motivated, or simply to do not fit the norm and therefore represent a challenge for instructors as well other ‘normative’ students.

The introduction to this readings on Special Education stroked a chord with me. Feeling like an outsider, expressing pressing issues in education and only being thought of as repetitive is something every person who does not fit the ‘normal’ mold has felt. In developing plans and policies for Special education it is important to get different points of views, including (most importantly) those who have been subject to unfair treatment.

The sentence that truly resonated with me was the following:

‘If disability studies, on the other hand, revels in the celebration of those bodies that reject the dominant binary division of the world in disabled or normal and abnormal, by exposing these divisions as unnatural,hierarchical, and therefore oppressive (McRuer,2006)’.

It encompasses many aspects of different discussed so far. Why treat difference as a disability rather than learning opportunity about the the diverse nature of human being and human experience? Why not celebrate difference by breaking down ignorance and flawed views of difference not only in the classroom, but in the workplace, in society in general?

The ‘crippin’ theory, the coming out of someone, is a truly amazing concept. Coming out and celebrating who we are in an oppressive world that is constantly trying to change us.. how much more freeing than that does it get?  Loving ourselves in spite of the normative views of who we should be and how we should act, the liberating and deliberate act of saying: I love me for who I am, I love that I am different and I love that you are different and I will not stand for anyone telling me or you who we should be and how we should relate to one another. This daring act is the only thing that can set us free from our own limiting self-perception created by unattainable society’s standards.

Metaphor

My whole research focuses on language, particularly the development of bilingualism and how it is that we process language. Before reading this wonderful article, I had never considered the real power of language. I must admit that at times the term ‘fish out of water’ upsets me, mainly because it has such literal meaning in my life. Some days I am truly gasping for air in a place where I still don’t like I belong.

I had been thinking about how different some people (including myself) express themselves in various settings. More often than not, the way we talk about ourselves and other people when no one is watching or when we think that nobody can hear us, is most representative of our true feelings/beliefs. I find this to be particularly true of racism. There is this game called Cards Against Humanity, which a lot of people play. The goal is to be as politically incorrect (offensive) as possible. The game makes references to race, gender, (dis)abilities, power, sexual behaviors (normal and deviant). I was truly appalled to find out how many people actually enjoy this game. I once asked someone if they would play this game or say the things this person had said about minorities in front of a member of that particular group. The answer (not surprises) was no. What does this say about us? What does it say about people who trivialize real issues? The language we use to talk about issues in such instances serves only to marginalize and diminish those who are different. Its main effect is to desensitize us from problems (racism, gender inequality) that are ever so present in our lives.

The use of metaphors clearly was implemented by people who do not suffer from the discrimination or marginalization that comes with being perceived as disabled. Practicing understanding and tearing down misconceptions regarding disabilities is a task that should start within oneself. The way we think is reflected by the way we speak.

‘No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world’ Robin Williams, Dead Poets Society

Identity Map

To answer the first four questions I created this wordle:

This is my own identity map:

 

I always struggle when asked to describe or write down who I am or what I identify as. This has been true from a very young age. Born in Paraguay to an American mother and Paraguayan father I always struggled to define who I am. In Paraguay I am not considered Paraguayan, I speak with accent that is obvious to everyone. In the USA, I am also considered a foreigner and people are surprised to find out I am an American citizen. Am I bilingual? According to the literature I might not be given that I speak English with an accent. It troubles me that my proficiency is measured as a comparison to a standard American English, when in reality there is a large variation of accents even within the US. I don’t want to perceived as having a ‘cute’ accent, I want to be an equal. So, what am I and where to do I belong? I know I am a good friend daughter and sister, but in terms of other more abstract identities I don’t know. Do I have to know?

This assignment made me realize that I don’t have to fit into a single category. In fact, doing so would undermine the constant balancing act of being privileged and underprivileged all in one day. For example, I have been lucky in that my family could afford to put me through School in the US, I consider myself privileged in that regard. In the US, I am considered a minority and underprivileged based on the fact that I am a Latina woman in the sciences. In Paraguay I am privileged and thought of as belonging to high SES. Ironically, I live in a subsidized apartment with my husband here in State College. In the States I am judged based on who I am and not my family’s history, mainly because my family is still back at home. I never understood whether this is something I like or not. I like being my own person, yet it would be nice for people to know where I come from.

This dichotomy in terms of all the privileges I enjoy in Paraguay and the challenges I face in the US has always puzzled me. I can be in State College deemed as a foreigner, and always struggling to prove my worth in terms of academic achievement in my program. I struggle with the thought that maybe I made it to PSU solely as a token, to fill a minority quota. I constantly feel like an outsider and know that other people also know that I don’t belong. This was particularly obvious when some people made remarks that I found extremely offensive. I got the courage to say something but was scorned because I just ‘didn’t understand’ that they were just joking. Since then, I have never been invited to outings or group studying. I spoke up and was left out immediately. There are days when I wonder why I couldn’t just stay quiet and let it go, but most days I am confident that I did the right thing.

There are nights when I sit and cry because I think that I am not smart enough, pretty or skinny enough, proficient enough. Sometimes, I feel that I am simply not enough of anything. My English is not good enough, so how could I possibly make in academia? I am not smart enough so how will I ever complete my degree? These recurrent thoughts plague my mind and sometimes paralyze me. This class and particularly this assignment have me realize that I don’t need to compare myself to anyone or anything. I am different, but so is everyone. All these categories are in place, but all they do is separate people based on their identities. What is interesting is that these categories carry different consequences based on where I am (Paraguay or the US).

Another thing that made me think a lot, was the fact that I identify myself as a wife. One of my friends made me promise her that I would not be defined by my husband once I got married. During this assignment the category wife was one of the first ones to come to mind. Am I defined by that term? Maybe not, but it definitely shapes who I am.

Other aspects of what I identify as or who I am puzzled me a little. Certain ones like survivor, which should be positive one, always comes with a sense of guilt and shame. This goes to show that all identities come with a sense of belonging and a particular cost. Identities are in constant flow and might change over time as I look at my map. Who I am today may or may not be who I will become tomorrow, but it will definitely provide a blueprint for the future.

Race

“We are all different from one another. In other words, a person who is perceived as having a dis/ability is no more or less different from someone who is considered nondisabled than that nondis-abled person is different from him/her”.

The articles for this week’s reading touched upon a topic that is very personal to me. Before reading these articles and actually learning more about what it means to be different in a world that seeks to have normalized standards for everything and everyone, I had not been able to put my thoughts together about intersectionality of race and disability.

I have always considered ESL exclusive class to be a form of apartheid that prevents students from interacting with another, rather them separating them based on cultural identity and English proficiency. Many argue that including ESL students would slow the learning and improvement of monolingual English speakers or those whose English is considered ‘native-like’. This makes for a highly exclusive education system aimed at preventing inter-cultural communication. However, the truth is that in a highly interconnected world, cultural understanding is a key skill that must be learnt by everyone.

The overrepresentation of ethnic minorities in special education is alarming, not only in terms of how poorly it reflects on our education system as a whole, but also in regards to what we are making minorities think of themselves and their potential to succeed in society. Research suggests that minority students tend to poorly when they are placed in non-diverse classrooms. This indicates that they are instilled with a sense of incompetence in comparison with non-minorities. As a Hispanic in my PhD program I struggle with this feeling all of time, because of my skin color, my accent, my ways of approaching certain subjects, I tend to think that I am not good enough when in reality I know that I am simply different. The construct of ability is so strong that anyone who is different automatically feels ‘disabled’.

Affect

The term affect was various related meanings. According a dictionary it could be used as a verb to indicate: to act on, to incite feelings, or to act upon. It could be used as noun, in which case it indicates  a particular feeling or emotion, or a particular emotional response.

Reading and watching certain scenes of Precious, I cannot help but too have a very strong emotional reaction to it. How we view women with disabilities, regardless of race, greatly ‘affects’ our perception of possible outcomes. As humans being we are inclined to seek resolution for all situations we encounter in life. Precious is a product of the undeniable oppression women face everyday. More so than men, women are pushed to conform to norms regarding their bodies, general appearance and behavior. Women more than anyone else in society, are forced to adapt to a male dominated society.

The many reactions I have heard about Precious make me feel that the majority of viewers do not have a deep understanding of the real issue behind this sad story. It is not enough to be moved and feel somewhat saddened by racism and sexism that exist in today’s culture and society. We must ask ourselves: what have we done to get here and to have stories like Precious still be a part of our society? I think we must all take responsibility for this. In our definition of what it truly means to be disabled or at a disadvantaged position, we have neglected to include women, particularly those of other ethnicities. We, as society, have neglected to take care of upholding women’s status.

Place

This week’s reading touched on a key aspect of including difference: making the environment accessible to everyone. The concept of showing people how to ‘properly’ use or view an object at art exhibit could be offensive or merely insensitive was touched upon in these two papers. I can relate to this, as I am always offered an interpreter or tour guide to explain in Spanish. I could never understand why this upset me before, but now I am starting to realize my reasons. It is not the fact that Museums have all these resources available to everyone, it is just that I wish I didn’t have to be singled out to walk around with a device or with a group of Spanish-speaking people. I now understand the importance of making the environment accessible to everyone in all sense of the word. If places were created with diversity of bodies and souls in mind, all the extra resources would not have to be awkwardly incorporated later on.

I started thinking of these accessible places and I remember going to a Children’s Museum in Chile when I was around 7 years old. It was a very hands on experience and I truly enjoyed it. There were different activities that involved all sensory systems and everyone could participate in them. There were children from all over the world drawing, painting, making electrical circuits and learning about basic physics. The different activities were to be performed by each child from various angles (sitting down, standing, etc) and were later described to everyone else to see how changing perspective changed the way you viewed an object such as a bubble Sadly, I don’t think I have ever been to a place where everyone felt to at ease and eager to collaborate and learn from one another.